Pathetic Fallacy

“You don’t get locked out of someone’s life without having done extensive hurt to them.” — my sister.

I realised that, even when it only lasted for a while, you blocking me was significant enough signal for you to give me on how much you want me out of your life.

I’m so sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you.

“Ketiga, you have to move on. Baik itu cepat atau lambat. Karena sekarang Aku udah punya BF” — kamu

“Third, you have to move on. Be it fast or slow. Because now I already have a boyfriend. — you

Right now, I am trying to move Heaven and Earth for you, because that’s what moving on from someone who seems like they just disappeared from the face of the Earth feels like.

But I’m doing this because this is the last thing I can do for you. Doing this for you is a lot easier than doing it for myself.

I’m sorry for all the time I’ve been in denial, difficult and egotistical, and I’m even more sorry for weighing you with all my expectations without fully understanding the repercussions it has on you.

“Although you can’t see someone…

It doesn’t mean they’re not with me.

As long as you remember…

They are not gone.”

— Netflix’s Move to Heaven

I can’t say that I can truly move on from you — I’ve learnt so many things from you to the point that it built my character, and I don’t think I can ever divorce myself from growth like that — but I will try. All day. Every day.

Because I care about you. Because this is the last thing you want me to do for you.

As much as I want to approach you, I know too well how much hurt I’ve given you. I will do everything in my power to give you the time and space that you need. There will be times that I will fail, but I hope I’ll have the self control big enough to pull myself back and protect me from what I wanted.

Like I said, I will never say no to friendships. Only you can let me know that I am welcomed back to your life, if ever.